Dirty Hippy Cakes

I was going to call this “Banana Paleo-ish Protein Pancakes” and show off some fancy alliteration skills but really, these cakes are for some dirty hippies. New-age hippies who eat pasture-raised eggs. This recipe was born out of desperation: I watched every damn episode of The Killing, I had some spare time & a bunch of almost-too-ripe bananas, so I decided to whip up a batch of paleo-ish pancakes. And by “whip up a batch” I mean “trying to cook something edible.” I do not bake and I hate following rules — recipes with exact measurements are my enemy. I’m not Emeril, and if you can improve upon this recipe, lemme know! Also, I use the term “paleo-ish” because while most (not all) of the ingredients I used are technically “paleo qualified”, I think the essence of eating a “strict” paleo diet is focusing on eating WHOLE, natural, unprocessed foods: vegetables (raw or lightly cooked), meat (pasture-raised, organic, hormone-free), etc. When you take a bunch of “paleo” ingredients and blanch them and refine them and bake them all together, you’re in essence producing a processed food item that can’t be found in nature. With all that aside…fuck it! I don’t do strict paleo and if I want some damn pancakes – this is the best way to do ’em without using processed all-purpose flour shit and tons of cane sugar. I stopped asking myself, “Is this paleo?” and focused on eating whole natural foods at least 80-90% of the time. Couple special notes: you don’t need the protein powder. That’s an extra I threw in. You don’t need sugar. Just say no. I know you want to sprinkle it in (or pour in a cup) but the over-ripe bananas are super sweet and you’re an asshole if you add sugar when you don’t need to. I mean, why use this recipe? Just go get some REAL pancakes at IHOP (or the Griddle if you’re an annoying hipster). I mean, go all the way. If you add sugar, then just bathe in a vat of chocolate syrup and whip cream while you’re at it. Also, 99% of the ingredients I used below are organic and the eggs are pasture-raised and cage-free from Vital Farms. Did you just throw up a little bit in your mouth? I thought so… So here it goes…



  • 2 scoops of vanilla protein powder (I use the vanilla BioTrust Low Carb Protein Blend – all natural, no sugar, no artificial sweeteners, hormone-free blend of whey & casein)
  • 3 tablespoons of coconut flour
  • 2 tablespoons of almond flour
  • 2 tablespoons of ground flax seed
  • 1/2 teaspoon of baking powder
  • 2 whole eggs
  • 3 bananas (best if super ripe- brown peeling)
  • 2 tablespoons of hemp milk (sub with coconut or almond milk if you wish)
  • Liberal dash of cinnamon
  • 1.5 tablespoons of alcohol-free vanilla extract
  • Ghee (to grease your pan – but you can use coconut oil, too. Don’t you dare use some nasty ass Pam no-stick spray)
  • Top with: whatever the hell you want. I tried them with maple syrup, you could use agave, add some berries. If you love peanut butter (or other nut butters) go for it.

Get two mixing bowls: one for dry ingredients, one for wet ingredients. In the first bowl, combine all the DRY ingredients. Grab the second bowl, and mash the bananas. They will turn slightly brownish and liquid-y and try to get most of the major lumps out. Then add all the other wet ingredients. Lightly beat the eggs and mix thoroughly. Then slowly pour the wet ingredients into the “dry bowl” while mixing the ingredients together with a rubber spatula. Mix everything slowly, get the batter nice and thick. Don’t beat it with a whisk or anything, you need it thick and sticky so it stays together when you pour it on greased pan. I greased my pan over the stove top using ghee. I got the pan pretty hot before spooning out the pancakes. I used roughly 2.5 tablespoons per pancake – but don’t sweat it. I personally like small pancakes because they are easier to flip in the pan.

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